


I've got something     to confess, I keep you      in my pocket to use

by nica00



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Anxiety, College AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, I have a lot of feelings, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Sub/bottom Achilles, Trust, dom/top Patroclus, falling in love/learning to love, getting used to someone, letting yourself fall in love, mild anger issues, porn with emotions, porn with some plot?, stolen parking space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 09:46:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nica00/pseuds/nica00
Summary: 2 troubled boys are brought together by a parking spot and they find ways to heal.





	I've got something     to confess, I keep you      in my pocket to use

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to write Achilles getting fucked within an inch of his life :)

When Patroclus had met the conundrum that was Achilles, it wasn’t under exactly under the best circumstances. He was a bit late, rushing to a 7:30 am lecture on a cold Thursday. He pulled up to his parking spot in university to find a white car already parked there. In his spot. Okay, it wasn't necessarily his spot, but he always parked there. Always, and he was always early. But today, his damn alarm didn't ring. Luckily he woke up when way too much light from the window hit his face and cursed loudly. He threw on some jeans, a hoodie, and a brown coat. He bounced on a leg while attempting to put on his shoes on, grabbing his satchel and keys with his free hand. He made it and was late only by a few minutes but this bullshit happens. He didn't like parking anywhere else. It made him forget where he was parked and walking around all disoriented wasn't any fun. He liked to be punctual. Well, to be exact, his anxiety didn’t allow him to be late. If he could be an hour early everywhere he would. He didn't exactly enjoy it, but it was the only pro his disorder brought him and he would be damned if he didn't take advantage of it. Which was why he was pissed. He had to park somewhere else now, further, and the rows of the parking all looked the same. He fucking hated the university parking facilities. Patroclus didn't have the energy to deal with this shit. He wishes he had drunk some coffee. He puts on his best face as he climbs out of his car and walks over, carefully knocking on the strangers' window. It was a blond with wavy chin-length hair that was looking for something in his middle compartment. He turns in surprise when he hears the knocks and rolls down half of his window.

“Hello!” Patroclus says, a bit more awkward than he intended to because he becomes aware of what he's doing. The lack of caffeine in his system made him irritated, causing a small headache to form and now he realizes he is going to walk up to this person and ask them to move his car from his self-proclaimed parking space. What the fuck.

“Hi,” the guy says back, looking amusedly at him with his unmissable green eyes. He had a sharp face, but it still had a sort of softness if that was even possible. Patroclus dreaded interacting with freshmen. He hated how they all had that hopeful glint in their eyes; College hadn't sucked the life out of them yet. He was a bit regretful for causing the confrontation but when the boy spoke up and said “Is there something you need?” so condescendingly, Patroclus was determined.

“Actually _yes_ , you're in my parking spot” Patroclus informed, his voice bitter.

“I didn’t know these were like, assigned,” the boy says taken aback, an amused smile threatening to form on his mouth.

“Well, not really but I assigned this one to myself and you're in it”

“I’m sorry?” He says, a huff leaving his mouth before erupting in laughter. Genuine and unabashed laughter. It made Patroclus blood boil.

“Can you please move your car?” Patroclus asks sharply.

“You expect me to actually move my car?” the boy muses, lifting his eyebrows while a smirk rested on his lips.

“Yes, because you're in my spot” 

“What the actual fuck dude...Are you okay?” he asks. 

“No. I'm late and you are in my spot and if I don't park here I'll forget where I parked. I need coffee” Patroclus spits out, enunciating every word with his hands before running them across his hair. “Just forget I said anything, goodbye” and before Achilles can get another word out, he stalks over to his own car and hops in, finding a spot a few rows behind. As he hurries to class he glances at the guys' car where the other is still staring. He gives him the middle finger and he can almost hear the yodeling laughter he can see coming out of the blonde’s mouth. He continues his way to class, silently placing a thousand curses on the parking stealer. That was their only encounter until the next day. Patroclus was early this time, just to find the same goddam car parked there, in his spot, and he wanted to yell. This time he parked on the spot behind him and roughly knocked on his window.

“Hey asshole”

“Good Morning, isn't it?” he says bashfully.

“No thanks to you” Patroclus didn't really know why it mattered so much to him. He shouldn't care. But he did and the fact that this boy did it just to piss him off made it worse.

“Aw, you having another coffee withdrawal?”

“Fuck you,” Patroclus says, walking away. On the third day, Patroclus woke up at five. He was on campus at 5:30 am and parked in his spot. He had his coffee in a thermos for later and all was right in the world when he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. Fuck, it felt good to have his spot back. He was drifting into a deep sleep when he heard a car pulling up beside him. He looked to the side to see the newest addition to his morning shit show, herpes face. He rolled down his window and when Patroclus scoffed, he signaled him to roll down his own.

“Stepping up your game? Proud of you” the blond says, wiping a fake tear from his eye. 

“Shut the fuck up and stop acting like a goddamn Instagram influencer” Patroclus spits out.

“I promise I will try my best next time,” he says, dramatically clutching his chest.

“Don't you fucking dare you asswipe”

“I will become a worthy opponent”

“You dumbass, I swear to god-” The boy rolled up his window and simply pulled out his phone, turning up the music annoyingly loud. Patroclus had never hated anyone in his life. But this kid, he wanted to fucking choke him. The fourth time was the last straw for Patroclus. The moron had parked in the line between his space in the next one, so his space was there but he couldn't park properly because there wasn't enough space. Yet Patroclus says fuck it, and parks anyways. When he settles in the spot he looks to the side to see the blond laughing hysterically and pointing to the driver's side of the car. Patroclus can't understand, and he is frankly too tired to give a fuck. Until he looks to the side and realizes there's another car that had parked on his left, way too close to his. He couldn't get out of his car. The look of sheer wickedness on the boy's face made Patroclus lose his shit. Yet he controlled his anger, grabbed his bag and climbed through the back seat and into his SUV's trunk and opened the back door, climbing out. He walked away, but not before smirking over to the guy and waving goodbye sardonically. He got to his class and they continued their little rivalry for about a month and a half.

Some days the blond would win and other days Patroclus would. Patroclus knew it was dumb, to wake up earlier than usual and compete over a stupid parking spot. He was aware of the effort both were putting in just to piss off a complete stranger. They didn't even know each other's names. He never saw him in the student center or around campus, just there, in the parking, being a brat. It seemed strange to him and then it didn't when he figured they probably ran in different circles. Then he realized he didn't know him because he probably ran in circles and Patroclus didn't. He didn't go out and socialize much. The boy seems somewhat social, younger, only by a year or two, and had a swim team bumper sticker. Patroclus didn't even know a lot of people in college that had the same interests so he had no idea where the jocks hang out. He knew some of the other biology majors who were on their way to becoming doctors. Patroclus wanted to find him and slap the silly off him. Or maybe violence wasn’t the answer. He could just key his car...

A few more days passed, but he just saw the boy's car (in his spot) and not him. Patroclus found himself wondering about the next time he would see him when he was studying or walking around campus listening to music. Then the car was gone and he could park there again and he felt happy but strange. After days of not even seeing the car, Patroclus felt… sad? Maybe worried. He hadn't seen the kid in a while. He found himself looking for him, eyes darting whenever he saw bright hair. He felt gloomy and a bit purposeless in the mornings. He had gotten used to their dumb Tom and Jerry dynamic. He missed the stranger, as weird as it sounded and he would never admit that out loud. He was walking back to his car a week later, keys dangling from his neck when he saw him sitting on a bench by himself, eyes scanning a notebook with furrowed brows.

“Hey fuckhead, where have you been?” he yelled, half-mad, half relieved.

“I’ve been too busy failing literature to do our little thing, sorry not sorry” the boy drawls, looking up to Patroclus momentarily.

“How can you fail first-year lit? That shit is basic”

“Look, sorry if this sounds rude but can you fuck off? I have a test tomorrow and I understand nothing” he notices that the boy looks distressed with bloodshot and baggy eyes. Patroclus could see the knots on his hair that was still a bit damp with what he guessed was pool water. The chlorine made the hair that had dried a bit frizzy and his clothes didn't really do a good job of proving Patroclus that his acquaintance was ok at all. He wore a light grey cable knit sweater with joggers, making him look washed out and his skin was blotchy and mistreated from the cold and chemicals. Patroclus remembered that he loved to read and had passed 1st-year literature with an A. His mouth betrayed him and spoke before he could even process what he was going to say.

“I’ll help you… cunt face”

“Wow, did you really miss me that much?” the boy said, brightening up instantly.

“You’re insufferable,” Patroclus said regretting what he said and turning on his feet to leave.

“Wait!”

“What?” He answered, not bothering to turn around.

“I know we’re dicks to each other but I really need help... and a friend. You don't really know me and yet you offered to help, that’s got to count for something”

“Yeah, counts for pity”

“I’ll buy you coffee?”

“If you think bribing me with coffee is gonna work you… you are correct”

“Achilles” he states, extending his hand out for Patroclus to shake. He doesn’t, looking at it strangely before muttering

“Patroclus”

“You don't even pronounce your own name correctly?”

“Well, it's easier to just say it like it is written” fast and painless, like pulling off a band-aid.

 “Okay, then Patroclus,” he said it like Patroclus did, uncaringly. “I’m going to say _Pa-tro-clus_ ”

“Say it however you like, do you want to pass your test tomorrow or not?”

“Please” After helping Achilles with his test, they clicked and they got to know each other the best they could around their apparent dislike towards the other. It was strange, because Patroclus knew he didn't have to hang out with someone he definitely didn't like and that he was always having petty arguments with. But when they were not at each other's throats, they laughed. The fights faded and turned into light bickering. Patroclus realized he didn’t hate him anymore. He was his friend. They could go to shitty movies at the cinema and make fun of them, predict the plot and the lines the characters would say next. He knew he could tell the blond the dumbest shit or his biggest worries and after they would laugh, he would talk about it calmly, without any judgment. It was a strange dynamic, but they were friends above all. And they both really needed that in the chaos that was being a college student. When Patroclus got a flat tire, Achilles was there to help him change it. When Achilles was moody, about classes or his parents, Patroclus would buy booze and ice cream and they would talk until they fell asleep. Patroclus had confided in him all the things about his past he desperately wanted to hide. His time in social services, his father's abuse, his spineless mother. Achilles had told him about the coldness of his own and his father, who taught him that it was okay to feel.

“I wonder if, maybe, that’s why I am so angry towards people. It's the only emotion I was allowed to show when I was little, anger and bitterness. I don't know if that even makes sense”

“It does to me. All I was caused to feel throughout my childhood was pain and that made me very angry, so I know that's my reflex emotion to anything that happens” He swore he would teach Patroclus how to deal with his emotions as his dad had helped him, but he didn't notice he kept causing him to feel a myriad of them just with his existence. He made the drums in his chest start beating and Patroclus felt scared.

“Maybe we need help. We both have some issues that go way back,” he told Patroclus.

“And shit social skills”

“Well you do, I can tolerate people. You just glare at them until they scare off” Achilles scoffed.

“I do not do that”

“Yeah you do” he chuckled.

“I know… I need therapy, but I'm not ready yet. If you want to go, book the appointment and I'll drive you and wait for you ” Patroclus said. Achilles stayed quiet, seriously staring and then nodded at Patroclus. He did go to therapy and Patroclus waited outside until he was done. Achilles always wanted to get ice cream afterward. They had grown even closer still if that was even possible. He found himself buying a pizza with the blonds specific toppings or just meaningless little things like seeing a yellow poster and Achilles suddenly popping into his head. Because it was secretly his favorite color. Or just hearing any Coldplay song and thinking of Achilles drunk off his mind, twirling before grabbing him and spinning them fast to Clocks in his living room at 3am.

“I know this is corny as fuck but I seriously love this song” he yelled.

“It's not corny”

“Don't lie to my face” he huffed.“We don't lie to each other”

“Okay. Maybe a bit corny but I will let it slide because I like it too. I will shave half of your head if you ever tell anyone” Patroclus said, causing them both to laugh way harder than they should have at the late hour.

The pair could study in the same room and be productive. Achilles claimed that Patroclus calming aura helped him study. He was over all the time and Patroclus feared that if that were to stop it would hurt him immensely. If they stopped being friends it would feel like he was walking wearing shoes with just one sock. He had grown so used to the youngers company that he missed him when he was gone and found himself texting him during his classes and when they were apart, just to plan on getting together again. Achilles was living in the campus dorms (because freshmen had to live there) but had a strong dislike for his roommate. Patroclus let him crash on his couch most days. He stole Patroclus clothes and his scarfs. In return, he bought food for both of them and took his weekly groceries back to Patroclus fridge and cabinets. The insults thrown back and forth were no longer said with bared teeth, but with no resentment and laughter.        

One day, they were drinking root beer in Patroclus' apartment. The windows were open since the weather was getting hot. Achilles wore soccer shorts, a huge light blue t-shirt and he was sprawled in his espresso colored wood floor. It was windy out but the air was mostly hot. Patroclus disliked the heat and he wore a loose black tank top and some shorts. He swallowed some beer and watched Achilles do the same, only a bit faster while looking at him dead in the eyes. He hurried with his own, chugging it down and choking a bit. Achilles finished his own, wiping the smirk off his mouth with the back of his hand. Patroclus scoffed at him playfully and they both laughed. Sometimes he looked at Achilles a bit differently than a friend. He wanted to be his friend, and have more. Kisses wouldn't be bad.

Patroclus knew he was bisexual, but this was the first person he had ever clicked with. When he looked to Achilles, he wasn't on the floor but was standing on his window with his back arched, legs facing Patroclus. And his butt was too. Patroclus couldn't help but notice over this time that he had a really nice one. His back was wide just like his frame and he was lean but soft, just his type. His face was hot and cute at the same time. He had never met someone whose beauty was so versatile. One second he could be laughing and then the next he would be pulling this shit, leaning all tousled on his window. Sometimes Patroclus wanted to fuck his brains out.

He felt incandescent heat grow and grow between them but he couldn't do anything to put that fire out. Patroclus thought it was just going to consume them both, the pair being way too prideful to speak about it. They let it spread too far he realized a few days back when he found himself wondering how the younger would look like sucking cock and the pretty pink bruises that would leave on his knees. He fantasized about chapped lips being abused by his own and the desperate sounds Achilles would make under him. The way rope would look on his porcelain skin with drool leaving his mouth and Patroclus really needed to get a grip so he kept making his sandwich, taking a bite and looking to Achilles.

“You know, I’m not dumb Patroclus,” he said, his voice the tone only heard when he was sad. It made Patroclus worry.

“I know that you aren't. Actually, you're quite smart for a jock” he replied, trying to make him laugh.

“Not now,” Achilles said, a mirthless laugh escaping his throat before he turned around “I’m trying to say something important,” he said with tears in his eyes. Patroclus stumbled over to him quickly. He had never seen him cry. Not when they talked about being sad kids, not when his parents fought, or when he talked about his dog’s death. Not when he lost his wallet and said he was so frustrated he could cry, but he never did. But now he was crying and bare in front of Patroclus and he wanted to scoop him into his arms and hold him.

“I didn't mean the jock thing,” he said, standing in front of Achilles.

“I know, idiot. It’s not about that” His eyes were puffy and his hair was in his face. Patroclus pushed it out of the way before asking

“Can I hug you?”

“How about you listen to what I have to say before you do? If you still want to after then you can… You are the only person in my life that I genuinely enjoy being around. You never bore me. You don't idolize me, which is why you caught my attention. You keep me on my toes, we have the same dark humor and let's face it, we're kind of assholes. I mean not really, were both bitter but we understand each other. I don't want to be social but I want to be with you. And I don't like talking much but I could talk to you all day. And I have never had that. I don't want to ruin this. I can't be so stupid to feel you actually think the same about me” Patroclus nods, very lost to where that came from.

He stayed still, not daring to move. He didn't want to hurt him. But he was there, tighs soft and lean yet healthy, some muscle clinging to them and his flaxen hair curled around his forehead. He looked like a god, or maybe a half-god even with tears welled up in his eyes. Patroclus held on for dear life and gritted his teeth. “I don't want to ruin us,” he says, wiping away the tears hastily. “But I have to do this” he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Patroclus tightly. He breathed him in and then he tilted his head slightly upwards, giving Patroclus a small peck in his cheek. He felt the goosebumps rise and shivered. “I want you, in a different way and Patroclus. I am scared. So scared. Nothing scares me as much as you do. I am terrified, I have never felt this shit show of emotions in my stomach, I hate how I can't even look at you sometimes. It's too much and my chest wants to burst open. I hate it but I don't hate you… please make it go away” Patroclus looks at his face; His pale, freckle speckled skin that was rosy around his nose and cheeks from crying and decided he never wanted to see those beautiful eyes shed tears because of him. He cupped Achilles' face and made him look at him. He wanted to kiss him and touch him and feel him, comfort him so he would just know how much he was cared for. But he just stared and held his face.

“Achilles, I think I… ”

“I know. And I know it's not something you take lightly. Neither do I and even though I have never felt it before I know it has to be love because I want to be with you all the time and it's annoying even to me. I talk to myself about you and smile like a complete and utter dumbass when I remember how you looked when you knocked on my window, caffeine-deprived and viciously ready to duel for a parking spot”

“Shut the fuck up” Patroclus whined, grabbing Achilles hip tightly. This caused silence to grow between them. Achilles looked up to him with doe eyes and whispered

“Make me” with a tone that didn't quite match his innocent stare. When he saw Achilles lick his lips and look down to his own he took the green light and dipped his head in, softly moving his lips against Achilles' own. He gave kitten licks back, unknowing of how to kiss yet but the eagerness he had made up for all of it. Achilles licked into his mouth and sucked on his lip, unaware that he was adding the precise amount of teeth that made Patroclus lose all his self-control. He pulled both of them down to the floor hastily and got on top of Patroclus, sitting on his lap and guiding him to lay down. He began to kiss him everywhere he could, slipping his hands under his loose tank top and caressing his abdomen. He pulled it off quicker than Patroclus could comprehend and began to grind against him desperately. He was hard in his shorts and so was Patroclus under him. When Achilles stayed still and breathed very hard, Patroclus started to worry.

“What's wrong? Should we stop?”

“No, no it is just that, I don’t know what to do next and I don't want to finish so soon” Achilles explained and Patroclus leaned up and kissed him, hard this time, making Achilles buck his hips again while pathetic little mewls left his mouth.

“Coming so soon? And just from this?” Patroclus said softly between them, making Achilles pout defiantly.

“No, but I could if we keep going and you kiss me like that. It's too much at once”

“You’re really sensitive aren't you?” He asked. Achilles nodded shyly, something Patroclus thought he would never see.

“Where are you most sensitive?” He questioned.

“I'm not gonna tell you that” Achilles laughed.

“I can just find out baby” at the pet name, he saw Achilles demeanor change instantly. He melted into him even more, soft and pliant and eager. Patroclus began with his scalp, running his fingers through it and seeing the goosebumps rise on his touch starved boy’s baby smooth skin. He then began to torture his earlobe. They had sat up against the wall with Achilles on his lap and he leaned back, Achilles pressing right against him and chasing his pleasure in Patroclus' mouth. He kept kissing his ear and neck and Achilles' mind was so hazy he could barely breathe.

“You're eager,” Patroclus said.

“M’sorry” he slurred, kissing up to the other boy's navel. “never done this before, feels really good. You’re hard, can I help?”

“What do you want to do?”

“Everything. I want you to do everything to me and ah!...” Achilles gasped when Patroclus began nibbling on his neck. He lost track of what he was saying before he could stutter out the remaining words “ And I want to do everything to you”

“We’ve got time to spare for that” Patroclus said as he licked up milky white skin and bit down hard, causing Achilles to squeeze his shoulder and his own legs shut in pleasure. “What do you want to do first?”

“I know but I don't know if you want to”

“I will take what you give me,” he said and Achilles stayed still, eyes growing a bit before he reached and wrapped his hand around Patroclus clothed length.

“I want you to use my mouth” Achilles states, voice a bit shaky. “ I want to taste you and I want it to be sloppy and wet and good for you, ‘wanna make you feel good” Patroclus grew harder at those words. He pulled Achilles in for a kiss by his hair and the soft moan it caused him to release didn’t go unnoticed. Achilles took his cock out of his underwear, giving it a few experimental tugs.

“You can do whatever you want, just don't use a lot of teeth ok babe?” Patroclus murmured against Achilles' lips. He smiled and nodded. He pulled off and stared at Patroclus in awe, pressing small kisses to his tummy.

“Fuck, how are you so hot” he thought out loud and Achilles grinned.

 “I can and will use that against you”

“Please do” He gave a small kiss to the underside of his cock first, testing the waters before beginning to wet it messily with his tongue. He was dripping saliva everywhere, and he was wildly uncoordinated but the lack of rhythm made Patroclus be caught off guard when the waves of pleasure hit. He gripped his hair, pushing him closer to his skin and caressed his arms. Achilles laced their hands together, both of them gripping tightly and desperately before Achilles pulled away.

“Please be rough with me” Patroclus raised his eyebrows at him, not exactly sure of what that meant. But he decided to go along with it

“Okay if I’m too rough just say "stop" and I will” Achilles nodded obediently while sinking his mouth on Patroclus cock to the hilt. Patroclus swore he would remember forever the image of light honey-colored hair stuck to the youngers' forehead with his mouth stuffed, eyes hazily closing whenever Patroclus bucked his hips up. It seemed like Achilles had an almost nonexistent gag reflex because just when Patroclus was sure he couldn't take more, he went deeper. He used his tongue well and grazed his open mouth on the sides and pumped, making Patroclus leak. It wasn't a problem because he swallowed it up wantonly. Patroclus had to control himself to not grab his head and fuck his mouth. Then he remembered that he wanted him to be rough, so he did just that. The moans that left Achilles' mouth when he did were obscene and he could feel the vibrations on his cock. The boy closed his eyes and let his mouth be used, weakly pumping his own cock playing with his hole with his other hand. It left him feeling unsatisfied when he couldn't fill it up the way he needed. He continued to hollow his mouth and twirl his tongue around Patroclus slit, causing him to hiss out.

“You are a force of nature. So beautiful, all fucked out” He could see the blush creeping its way onto his cheeks and chest accompanied by a soft moan when he heard the words. Achilles' eyes were glossy and his lips swollen. He decided to give him a rest. “Is baby tired ‘huh? Does your jaw hurt?” He asked the younger, tracing a finger through his nose and pulling out of his mouth.

“Yes, a little bit, but I want to keep going dada” Patroclus stopped in his tracks. Dada, daddy? He wasn't unfamiliar with the term but he never quite found it endearing. But Achilles calling him dada absolutely floored him. Achilles looked up innocently at him, eyes wide like the word slipped from his mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, shame apparent in his voice and he moved swiftly to stand up from Patroclus lap.

“Where are you going baby boy? Don't you want to be good for your daddy?” Achilles stopped at the sugary voice Patroclus had talked in and immediately sat back on the floor. Not on Patroclus lap but close enough that he could touch.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I liked it”

“Really?” Achilles looked up surprised.

“Yeah, you get so needy and slutty, of course I like it, baby. You want me to help you with this?” Patroclus said, thumbing the tip of his leaking cock and it caused Achilles to shut his legs and whimper

“Can you please put your cock inside me? I can't cum if I’m not full, I need you” Achilles pouted coyly and If Patroclus had an ounce of self-control left, it was gone the second those words left Achilles mouth. He got up and dragged him to his bedroom.

“Bed, now. And take off your clothes” Achilles did as he was told, peeling his shorts and sticky underwear off slowly. While he got the lube from his drawer Patroclus decided it was time to teach his baby a lesson on misbehaving.

“Since you think it's okay to be a tease, let's give you a taste of your own medicine. I'm going to finger you and you can't come, can't touch me and you can't make any noises or I will not fuck you, understand?”

“What! I can't even touch you?”

“So you're talking back now too? You heard me” Patroclus said with a raised eyebrow. It amused him that out of all the rules he had put, the one that bothered him the most was that he wasn't allowed to touch Patroclus. Achilles sat on the bed, his face scrunched up in pettiness.

“You don't need to touch me right now, I’m gonna make you feel good,” Patroclus said, remembering that this was their first time and that the boy had zero experience. “Do we keep going, pretty boy?”

“Please” Patroclus laid him down on the bed and opened his legs. His baby was hairless and soft, pink hole already a bit stretched from the teasing Achilles had done to himself. He looked up to him for permission and he nodded, so Patroclus pressed his lubed pinky inside and the boy keened.

“Baby, remember you can't make any noises if you want me inside you later”

“Okay dada” He brought his hand to his mouth and stuck 2 fingers to bite and nibble on inside. 2 minutes in, saliva was dripping fast down his chin while Patroclus worked another finger in. His mouth was a perfect circle when he whispered “oh” and Patroclus stopped.

“Behave”

“I'm trying, just feels really good” he slurred around his fingers, throwing his arm on his face. His whole body was flushing and his chest heaved up and down with the effort to keep quiet. His nipples were pink and swollen, Patroclus leaned over his chest and sucked on the left one and Achilles swore he saw stars at the foreign feeling. He kept biting and nibbling on the soft skin and when he added a second finger and began to pump inside. Achilles walls pulled him in, warm and tight and he could see the way his thighs threatened to close with oversensitivity for the third time since they started.

“If you close your legs I can’t make you feel good, keep these wide open for me like a good slutty baby” Achilles nodded diligently and Patroclus continued to work him open. His thighs kept trembling and Patroclus decided to give them some attention. He kissed the soft skin and ran his tongue along with it, getting close to his crotch but then neglecting it. He could hear Achilles huff impatiently and he bit down hard on his left thigh.

“Fuck, oh my god” Achilles moaned unconsciously.

“Baby boys don't talk like that. They are also patient”

“I’m sorry”

“You will be” About 25 minutes passed when Patroclus was finally was satisfied with the artwork left by is mouth on the youngers chest and inner thighs so he moved his mouth to his cock. It was swollen red and leaking, the oversensitivity driving his baby insane. Patroclus blew on it and it caused Achilles to writhe helplessly on the bed, pleading

“Can baby please make noise? It feels really good and baby wants to touch. I behaved well please daddy”

“Yes you can, you took your punishment well” As fast as ever Achilles dragged him down on the bed, hungrily kissing every part of Patroclus he could get his lips on. He started with his face and then his shoulder and then his mouth, settling there and eagerly accepting the tongue fucking Patroclus was giving him. Achilles began to get even more desperate, touching Patroclus crotch and rubbing softly. He sighed and laid out on the bed, holding one of his legs open by his knee.

“Please” He said, beginning to pump 2 fingers inside his hole and started panting when he added the third. His bedroom eyes were something Patroclus thanked the god he didn't believe in he could experience.

“Look at you. My baby is a mess, asking for me so desperately. Are you really that much of a cockslut?” Achilles nodded his head yes.

“You're pretty like this, a dumb baby waiting to be fucked” Achilles whined and nodded again, reaching down to pump his cock and speeding up the pace of his fingers to no avail. He was so close and Patroclus didn’t touch him; With the frustration, tears began to fall on his cheeks.

“Aw, look at my little baby... Are you crying?” there were fresh and dry tears on his cheeks and Patroclus suddenly got worried he did something wrong. He had never actually dommed someone but knew enough about it. Achilles never told him to stop.

“Baby said he needed you inside a long time ago and baby did well. Baby wants to be fucked”

“Come here” When Achilles did, Patroclus laid him back down and the blond used his own hands along with Patroclus' to open his legs so he could see what he was missing out on.

“Does dada not want baby?” he asked, lifting his head a bit with a small pout resting on his lips

“No, daddy wants baby so much” Achilles leaned backward at his, laying his head on the mattress with a hazy, satisfied smile on his face. “I want my baby to look at me” Achilles' eyes opened and Patroclus pushed his legs apart more, sliding his cock a bit inside and making Achilles put a hand on his mouth. He wanted to cry, the familiar pain was there and the pressure felt devastating but the kisses and reassurances Patroclus gave him made it all better. He had never taken a cock before, only toys and nothing was ever this big.

“It hurts,” Achilles said, scared and suddenly out of his subspace and Patroclus wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace.

“Its okay, baby boy. I won't move until you tell me to”

“Thank you, for being so patient with me,” Achilles said, trying to hide his face in the sheets.

“It’s what you deserve” Achilles felt his breath tickle in his lips and shivering with anticipation when Patroclus spoke and he breathed out softly. He could tell he was making a great effort in holding back from moving. “Here, I'll help you relax for me,” Patroclus said, grabbing his jaw and coaxing his mouth open. He began to kiss him again with the slow steadiness that had Achilles in a haze. He felt all the nerves in his body hum and kept his mouth open in pleasure, soft and pliant, darting after his lover's tongue unwilling to miss a single caress. He then realized how dangerous this was to both of them. What even were they now? Friends? No way. He couldn’t do that after this after Patroclus and he had shared so much. It would be devastating. A few inches away from his, Patroclus' own mind was turning gears over the same thing. He kissed the silky skin on Achilles' navel like it would be the first and last time he would. Maybe he was being selfish but he wanted him all to himself. This was his baby boy. But both of them knew better. Both of them knew how the world worked and had experienced how cruel it could be, how cruel it had been to them. The thought of this thing between them lasting was an unattainable dream. Both of them unknowingly decided that they would enjoy each other as much as time would permit. What they didn't know was that it was for way longer than they could have ever imagined. Life had already beaten them down, now it brought them together to build each other back up. “You’re way too tense”

“I'm just thinking” Achilles sighed.

“I know. I am too”

“Probably about the same thing, huh?”

“Yeah”

“And what about it?”

“I'm going to enjoy this as long as I can”

“Me too,” Achilles said, hugging Patroclus closer to his chest. This action caused him to move unexpectedly inside him and he hitched a breath. It felt good, yet Patroclus didn’t move a bit more.

Patroclus felt so happy he said “I don’t deserve this” Achilles then clenched around him fiercely.

“Yes, you do. You deserve everything you could ever want. If I don't have you with me I am alone. I was so alone when I met you. You're all I’ve got. I didn't know what was going to happen in college, didn’t know where I was going. I was so scared. You showed me how to handle shit and have been so good to me and stood beside me through so much. You listen to me on the phone when I rant and help me when I am down, I'm lucky you kept me around. When I'm in the darkest of my darkness, you are my light; my north star. You're my only compass, I would get lost without you. So don’t ever feel like you are not good enough or undeserving of anything. I know it’s hard to feel worthy because I feel the same most of the time but I do know we deserve each other. I love you. We deserve safety and happiness and this, Patroclus” Patroclus was left speechless. It was probably the most emotional thing anyone had ever said to him. His dad never told him he loved him, his mother was a cold alcoholic and he was lucky to have been born healthy and fully capable. She spilled wine on herself when his father yelled or hit him because she got startled easily. An anxious mess had given birth to another and he always felt so fucking worthless and inadequate. But now, he felt useful, safe and loved; For the first time in his life he felt he was where he belonged, he felt so loved it was overwhelming and he could feel it in his chest.

“You okay?” Achilles asked. Patroclus nodded his response. “No, you aren't. But you will be soon” Achilles replied truthfully.

“You are right”

“I know I am” Achilles whispered, kissing his ear. He arched his back on the bed, sinking deeper into Patroclus and shut his eyes.

“Baby boy you said you would look at me” When Achilles opened his big green eyes softly, he swore he would die to care for him.

“I’m sorry, I will” Achilles slurred, continuing to undulate his hips a little, finding the bundle of nerves and pausing with a whimper.

“There?” Patroclus asked him, and he nodded weakly. He resisted the urge to close his eyes and Patroclus grabbed his face, bringing him close while bottoming out inside him. Achilles almost felt delirious and began to babble incoherencies into the small space between them. Amongst the things Achilles said, he could understand when he slurred faster and dada. It sounded so good when in-between thrusts at the almost feral pace that he kept mewling and whining, expecting Patroclus to understand. He didn't want to hurt him but Achilles kept gripping his hips to get Patroclus deeper inside and he began to thrust faster and then slow, just to see his reactions.

“Baby boy, I can’t understand what you want”

“More” Achilles answers desperately and Patroclus delivered. “I want it deeper and harder” He whined and then his mouth hung open in silent moans with hazy eyes. He began to sob when Patroclus his body on top of him and fucked deeper into him. Achilles kept whimpering in pleasure and Patroclus got the moment imprinted on his mind.

“Can you feel it now?”

“Ye-yes dada I can f-f-feel it” he cried.

“Where baby boy?”

“Here, in my tummy” Achilles looked down and weakly touched his stomach and swore Patroclus dick was in there somehow.

“You are such a fucking painslut” Patroclus groaned. Achilles' face was a dusty rose colour and he was drooling while pumping his own cock desperately. He loved the feeling of pain mixed with the pleasure of Patroclus rearranging his guts. He came at from it, painting both of their stomachs with his sticky cum. “My baby made a mess” Patroclus huffed and Achilles looked so blissed out he would have thought he had passed out if it wasn't for the satisfied smirk on his mouth as he rode out his high.

“Yes, your baby,” Achilles said and Patroclus gave him a languid kiss while coming inside of him, murmuring the words he had left unsaid

“I love you too”

**Author's Note:**

> As all my fics recently tis a goddamn songfic inspired by one of my favourite songs atm Compass by The Neighborhood. I didn't even know I had a daddy kink until this, I have learned so much about myself. I might throw in shibari in the last/second chapter. I hope you reading this and let me know if you've got any requests in the comments and PLEASE POINT OUT ERRORS AND PLOT HOLES TO MEEEEE, lots of love!!!- Nica <3


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